“I would be willing to bet 100 dollars that at least one
person here thinks that this is not where they belong. I’m telling you that
this is where you belong, and that God wants you here.” This is the first night
of staff training and I do not want to be here. Somehow the director can read
my mind and knows that I want to leave, that I really want to leave. I just
drove 340 miles to work at a camp where I don’t really know anyone, at a camp
where I don’t want to be. I don’t feel like I should be here at all, I am not
good enough for this. These people are all on fire for Christ, they all have it
figured out. I’m leaving. After everyone goes to bed tonight, I’m gone.
Everyone is in bed, and I can leave right now. So what is
stopping me? A couple things, my father told me to never quit. I have never
quit at anything in my life. Can I let my father down? No. The other thing is
the fact that someone on the staff vouched for me. Someone I barely knew told
them to hire me and that I would be good at this. I can’t let that person down,
I am too proud for that. I can fake this all summer, even if I don’t want to be
here, I just have to deal with it now.
It’s the last night of staff training and everyone has
shared their testimony except me and a couple other people. I know that I am
going to have to tell it tonight. What do I say? That I have started drinking
with my friends? That I swear on a regular basis? That I haven’t prayed or read
my bible in who knows how long? I can’t say that to them, ill fake it. I’ll just
show them a little bit about myself and share only some of that. I’ll let them
know I don’t think I should be here.
Wow, that was pretty easy, shared more than I thought I
would but that’s ok. It was pretty crazy when they all prayed over me.
Holy cow camp is crazy; I have no idea what I am doing.
Thank God they put me with another counselor who has done this before. It is
still pretty crazy though; these kids barely listen to anyone, especially not
me. But some of these kids are awesome; they love to just hang on me and play.
I’m having a lot of fun playing with them. And just hanging out with some of
the other counselors is a lot of fun too. I can do this part of camp all summer
no problem.
“God I can’t keep telling these kids about your son. God I
don’t feel you or anything! I have so many doubts and just don’t know! You have
got to show me, show up!” I prayed that prayer on the Wednesday night of the
first week of camp. When I prayed I really wasn't expecting anything, I was
just frustrated. Little did I know it would be the first of many times God
answered my prayers this summer. I go back inside and no more than 5 minutes
later (it seems like no time in my mind) a little kid walks right up to me and
asks me a question that changed my summer. “I wanna ask Jesus into my life, can
you help me?” What? Wait a minute? This kid loves Jesus, and wants my help? I
just basically told God to show up in my life and then this happens? “Sure
thing kid, lets pray about it.” That kids name is Miguel and I don’t think I
will ever forget that moment. I have never had someone want to accept Christ
with me before.
That moment changed my entire summer, everything I did from
that moment on I was conscience that God was present and with me through it
all. When I say that this moment changed my summer, I really mean my life. God
showed up right when I needed him the most. It was crazy and so incredible. I
had to just start living for Him instead of for myself.
Now living for Christ isn’t easy, and I have many more
questions for God’s plan with my life. I knew that I needed to clean up my act
and that was what I started working on first. Getting into the scriptures and
praying become something that I try to do every day. I am still working on this
and on cleaning up my life, it is still a struggle. But I know that my God has
huge plans and is with me through everything! This summer changed my life, and
I am scared of where God is going to take it. But I am ready and willing to do what he calls me to do!
