I'm Tired, I'm Weary.

I don't know if anyone reads this, or if anyone ever checks it. But if you are reading it, I need help, I need prayer. When camp started last summer I heard counselors talk about a camp high. Like being on fire right after camp. I didn't really understand what they meant when they said it. I felt it though! When camp was over and it was time to return to the world, I was on fire. I was so ready to just work for Christ. To do whatever he had called me to do. I knew that I was supposed to come back to school and work on this campus for His Kingdom. So I came back, and I was excited. I wanted to be here. I don't want to be here anymore. I am tired. I am weary. 

I want to be doing things. I want to be teaching people and building relationships with students. I want to be active in my life and finally get on with my career. My faith is struggling. Not me doubting God, I am just struggling to see him right now. I'm struggling to see how going to class and working and doing homework and then repeating everything the next day is doing anything for the Kingdom. I feel like I am not being used. 

This uselessness is pervading my life. It has hurt my prayer life; it has hurt my time alone with God. I have a hard time finding the time to open my Bible or sit down and pray. I don't know what to do. I have to go to class, I have to go to work, I have to do my homework, I have to go to meetings, I have to teacher aid, I have to DO! I have to do so much but am not feeling joy from almost any of it. When did learning and working start becoming life draining? Why has this semester been harder for me than any before it? I am busy, but it’s more than that. It’s like I have forgotten where to go when I am tired. I rely on myself. I wake up tired in the morning and go to bed tired at night. I feel like my homework is slipping and I care less about school. I don't feel like I am being renewed, I don't feel like I am being given new strength. 

Through all of this I know that God is good. I know that he is working even when I don't feel it or see it. I know that He has called me to this campus, to this mission’s field. I know that He has called me to be a teacher. I just don't like the path right not. I know that this is the path that I am suppose to be on though. I know that this is where I am suppose to be. I need to be obedient in this, even when it is hard.  I will leave you all with a couple verses that are encouraging to me even now. If the verses are showing up as black bars on the bottom of the page, I don't know why. If you highlight them you can see them you can see them though! 

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:7