It has been a long time! Sorry for not posting anything in
like a month, I have been busy and just didn't know what I wanted to write
about it. Do I want this post to be about what is going on in my head? Or what
is going on in my life? Both things have
been busy! I think a lot, probably too much honestly. It seems that I can never
stop thinking about different situations, or relationships. My mind is bothered
all the time. My life has been pretty busy too! I have been getting busier with
classes and now with teacher aiding! That is really great; I feel reaffirmed in
my major choice at this point and am happy to be getting into the classroom. I
love seeing people learn and helping out in the process. I am so happy to have
figured out what I want to do with my life.
So many other things are going on as well. School is a small
part of my life. Well it is a big part, and it takes a lot of time, but it
doesn't always rank high on my priority list. It is important, but so many
other things are more important to me. Friends, Christ, having fun, my family,
my mental health. Any of those things are more important than school is to me. So
school is not always number one, and many of the other things are instead.
Christ. I want and strive for Christ to be number one in my
life all the time. It is also the most difficult thing to do. I want to give
and trust him in everything, but at the same time, it is really difficult for
me to forfeit control of things. I love knowing how things are going to turn
out and knowing that I have control of them. Christ tells us that He is in
control. So Joseph, you need to take a step back. This is really hard for me to
do, but I am really trying to do better at it. This kind of has to do with me
thinking too much! I can’t stop beating myself up for not giving everything to
Him, but at the same time I don’t know how to give it all to Him. So I need to
be constantly trying and thinking about giving him everything.
In giving him everything, I am trying to do more for the
kingdom. A couple of my friends have felt called to start a Men’s Ministry on
campus here. They asked me to be on the team and help out with setting it up
and getting started. I am excited about doing it and really excited to have God
working here on campus. Trinity really doesn't have anything for men on this
campus, most guys are on their own to find or become a part of a group that can
hold them accountable and be praying for them. I am super excited about getting
started on that and seeing God. It is also a daunting feeling to start
something like this. We run into doubts about if it can work or if it will
work. Again trusting in God comes into play here as we need to trust in his
calling to get it started and to do something for his kingdom. God is so
powerful and can and will bless us if we are trusting fully in him.
So doubting Gods sovereignty and his control over my own
life is something that I have struggled with regularly this year. I try to put
on a good face most days and not let it show, but it is true. I want to be in
charge even when I know that I am not. Getting this Men's Ministry started is
going to take a lot of work and planning, it is going to take a lot of prayer
and guidance from God. But we are ready to get it started!
I am still meeting with some friends every Sunday to meet
and pray together. It has really been something that I have come to look
forward to every week. I can share the struggles in my life and know that
the guys around me are going to offer Christ centered advice and that they will
pray for my everyday life that week. I do the same for them. Holding each
other accountable and being able to pray for each other has been something I
have never had in my life, but something that I think people very desperately
need. God has already shown himself to
be present at these meetings and knowing that others will be crying out to God
for you is very reassuring.
God is good, I know that. I just need to learn to give him
everything all the time. I am working on it, even when I know that I am failing
at it. My life is busy, school takes a lot of time, but I am finding time to
start a ministry on campus, to meet and pray with my friends, and to be as
social as I could ever want to be. Life is good, even when it is hard.
God bless.
Ps. I don’t edit or revise these, just write what comes to
mind at the time haha
